TROTD - Chapter Four: Say It With Flowers

“Olivia” she couldn’t bear to look in his direction.

            She wasn’t sure why he had climbed into the car with her. The scene of Megan standing before her and introducing herself as his wife kept flashing through her mind. Then she thought about all of the things he had said to her. She wondered who had started things between them. She wondered how he could let her believe that what they had was anything more than a one night stand. She was a joke, one of the whores who had slept with him. Was she the only one who didn’t know he was married? She felt like a complete fool and it infuriated her.

“Olivia” now he was at her side, nearly touching her. She kept her face in her hands afraid of what she would do if she looked at him.

“Olivia, you have to let me explain” his hands were on her arms. She had never felt such pain and such pleasure simultaneously. She wanted to slap him and tell him to stop touching her but a piece of her wanted to be in his arms again. Feeling his weight pressed against her and his lips on hers. She never wanted to speak to him again but she had questions, questions that mounted by the second.

“Olivia, if I talk will you listen?” she dared to glance at his face. It was filled with an emotion she could only describe as devastation. It was the exact feeling that coursed through her.

“Why?” she spat, anger flaring, “What could you possibly say? You’re married, you have children, you have a wife, and you lied to me.” The last part of her sentence cut straight to his soul. The aspect of the situation that hurt him the most was that she thought he had lied.

“It’s complicated” he was desperate for her to keep talking to him, and listening.

“What’s complicated? You’re married. Seems pretty simple to me” she was nearly yelling.

“Technically I’m married” he began.

“Technically? You either are or you aren’t” her voice sounded foreign to her.

            Fitz felt her slipping away from him, both physically and emotionally. He needed her to listen. He hadn’t meant for this to happen. He was going to tell her. He needed her to understand that he never meant to get involved. He dated casually and always had a different woman because, as he had told her earlier, he didn’t feel like he could get serious with anyone. He and Megan had an agreement and he had violated it. For seven years they had both managed to operate within the confines of their arrangement but he had crossed the line, he had let someone in, he had started to care for someone else.

“I am” he decided she needed honesty more than anything, “and I should have told you when we kissed in my trailer but I was afraid to ruin our professional relationship. You were already upset that I told you we shouldn’t. What would you have said if you found out a married man just kissed you?”

            Her tears stopped and she composed herself, “I’m sure it would pale in comparison to what I wanted to say when I found out that I had slept with a married man. You made me look like a fool Fitz.”

“I’m sorry” he whispered taking her hands in his. He was relieved when she didn’t immediately pull away, “I really was planning to tell you. I’ve just never had to explain this situation to anyone. It really is complicated. It’s about my family and money and my girls.”

“I’ve never felt so naïve” she whispered in return, “Did you do this because you didn’t think I should have my own show? Is that why you made me look stupid?”

“I never intended to hurt you, Olivia” she could see honesty in his eyes but the pain still lingered in the pit of her stomach.

“You hurt me Fitz” her voice was barely audible, “I let down my defenses once and you hurt me.”

“I’m so sorry” he kissed her fingers, “I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me but I’d like the chance to tell you the truth and try to explain this situation to you.” He touched her shoulder gently.

“I don’t know” she watched his lips touch her fingers trying her best to ignore the heat rising within her.

“I just want to be able to be friends again, co-workers” he continued in a hushed tone, “I know I ruined my chances at anything else between us.”

            She heard the regret in his voice and felt it in the way his lips touched her hands. His tiny kisses were about forgiveness and desperation and fear that he’d never touch her again. She admitted to herself that she didn’t want to be friends with him, not just co-workers but there was so much she still didn’t understand and so much she didn’t know.

“Maybe we can start over?” he looked expectantly at her, “Can we pretend that the last two days never happened?”

“No” she replied garnering a look of shock from him, “We can’t forget about the last two days but maybe we can find a way to start over.”

            He smiled and a little of the weight upon him lifted. He reached his hand out to her, “Hi, Fitzgerald Grant, married, your co-star. I can be a total asshole sometimes but I’ll try my best not to be one to you.”

            She shook his hand and smiled, “Olivia Pope, single, usually cautious, really nervous about having my first leading role. I don’t date much, I can be shy.”

“Nice to meet you Olivia” he didn’t let go of her hand.

“Nice to meet you Fitzgerald,” she blushed, praying that he wouldn’t let go of her hand.

“Please, call me Fitz”

“Fitz” he would never get tired of hearing her say his name.

X-X

            Abby and Olivia sat in Olivia’s trailer eating lunch and talking. Olivia picked through her salad not really eating it. She was anxious about her afternoon scenes and she found it difficult to eat when she was nervous.

“What’s wrong?” Abby asked nudging Olivia.

“Just anxious about the shoot this afternoon, I guess” admitted Olivia, “You know I can’t stand shooting love scenes.”

“At least you get to do those scenes with someone hot” Abby joked in reference to Fitz, “It could be a lot worse. Plus, you two have insane chemistry. It doesn’t look difficult.”

            It had been almost 3 months since the Glamour party and Olivia and Fitz had found their way to being friends. They were able to spend time together without unbearable discomfort. The cast was just getting ready to start a press tour for the show and Olivia knew she and Fitz would be the center of many of the interviews. They would be required to talk about the chemistry between them and it needed to appear that they were close friends. Unfortunately Olivia had a difficult time focusing on anything other than his blue eyes and the lips she had kissed months ago.

            She shook her head to clear her thoughts and took another drink of her Diet Coke. She really appreciated having good friends like Abby around. She didn’t have to hide her insecurities with Abby. She wished she could tell Abby about her feelings for Fitz but she was so unsure of things herself.

“Are we still going to the Christmas party together tomorrow?” Olivia asked.

“You really want to go to his house for a party?” Abby was surprised, “I think he invited us because he felt like he had to. It’s going to be all of his important Hollywood friends there. It sounds boring.”

“Okay, then we won’t go” Olivia tried not to sound as disappointed as she felt; “I just figured it was the polite thing to do.”

“Okay, then I’ll go,” Abby rolled her eyes, “Do I have to wear a ball gown or can I dress like the peasant that I am?”

            They both laughed, a little more relaxed while they finished their meal. Olivia busied herself cleaning up the remains of their lunch while Abby left for the set.

X-X

            Fitz sat in his trailer looking over his script and listening to music. His cell phone rang twice, “Hello?”

“Hi Dad” Ellie said, “Are we meeting in New York this year?”

“Hi El,” Fitz smiled at the sound of his daughter’s voice. It was tough to be away from her but she attended the best boarding school in the country and would start at Princeton in the fall.

“Heather and I were planning to meet you in New York,” Fitz continued, “We can hang out at the apartment; go to a show, shop. It might be our last chance with you going to college next year.”

“What about Mom?” asked Ellie, “Dinner again this year?”

“Sure, you girls pick a place and we can have our family meal” Fitz agreed.

“Okay, I’ll talk to Heather about where she wants to eat” Ellie said, “So what are you getting me for Christmas?”

“Nope, I’m not telling you, you’ll have to wait and be surprised” Fitz laughed at his daughter’s tactics.

“Just remember, if it has four wheels I’d like the red one, Daddy” she sounded like a little girl.

“You’re not getting a car, Ellie,” he chuckled again, “I’m not letting you be a spoiled brat.”

            Their conversation was interrupted by a knock on his trailer door.  He said his goodbyes to Ellie and opened the door. Huck had come to tell him he was due on the set. Fitz gathered his script and his cell phone and headed over to shoot his scenes. On the way he thought about Olivia. They had found a sort of common ground where they were comfortable working together but their scenes were still challenging. He dreaded scenes that required him to touch her intimately and today was the first sex scene that they had filmed since the catastrophe at the Glamour party. His palms felt sweaty as soon as he saw her sitting in her chair on the set. She was the same effortlessly gorgeous woman he looked at everyday but today she seemed to have an extra glow. He took a deep breath and approached her.

“Hi Olivia” he tried his best not to sound as nervous as he felt.

“Oh, hi Fitz” she looked up from her script, “Did you need something?”

“No, just thought I would say hello” she sounded like she wasn’t interested in talking and he made it a habit of not pushing her these days.  He started to walk away but her voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Fitz,” she called causing him to turn back to her, “Abby and I are coming to your party tomorrow.”

“Great” he tried to sound non-committal while everything inside of him screamed with excitement that he would get to see her socially. He had yet to find the opportunity to fully explain his situation and maybe his annual Christmas party would be a good chance.

“Umm…” she was feeling shy again, “What’s the dress code?”

            Fitz laughed a laugh that warmed her soul in spite of her efforts to the contrary. She listened to his baritone and found herself closing her eyes to absorb the sensations his voice elicited.

“Whatever you want to wear will be fine I’m sure” his voice took on a tone she hadn’t heard in some time.  Fitz had the urge to touch her but stopped himself. Though it had been months since he held her, he could recall the sensation as if it was yesterday.

            The crew finished setting up their scene and they approached their marks.  It was set in a bunker and Olivia’s character had just discovered that Fitz’s character had saved her life. The director yelled “action” and Olivia threw herself into being her character. That was how she had gotten through the scenes they shot together over the past several months. She didn’t let herself feel, she just tried to be technical and almost robot-like. She had read articles that talked about a cooling in their chemistry but she couldn’t let herself feel like she had during the early days of the show, the days when she started to develop feelings for Fitz. Before she knew he was married and before her heart had been broken.

            Fitz approached Olivia and pushed her up against the wall of the simulated bunker. She felt his hands move down her back and attempted to ignore the feelings they caused.  He bent to kiss her lips and somehow what started as a polite television kiss became deeper. He felt her run her tongue along his lower lip causing a rise in his pants. He nibbled lightly on her lip as she continued to sample his lips with her tongue. He found his hands traveling to her hair and hers to his. She couldn’t help but grip his back tightly in her small hands. She felt urgency unrivaled by any passion she had previously experienced. From somewhere outside of their fog they heard the director yell “cut” but they couldn’t force their lips to part. Finally he pushed away from her, his eyes wildly flying to hers to decipher the emotions there. He saw hunger, regret, and fear. He wondered if she was afraid of him or if she, like him, was afraid of them. She couldn’t tear her eyes from his, her gaze held there by his sweltering blue eyes. She blushed but he didn’t let her embarrassment save her from their connection.

            The scene continued in much the same manner. Their touches were more intimate than called for in every way, their kisses deeper, their embraces closer, and their passion real. When they concluded their scenes they both returned to their respective trailers. Fitz changed his clothes and sat down on the couch to read for a while, suddenly sorry that he had no one to go home to. He heard a small knock and turned to look in the direction of the door. As if he’d conjured her from the deep recesses of his mind, Olivia appeared before him.

“Sorry to bother you” she mumbled, clearly nervous.

“Come in” he smiled, “Have a seat. What can I do for you?”

            She tentatively took a seat a good distance away from him on the couch angling herself towards him. She could feel her heart beating faster just being in the same room alone with him. She hated that he had this effect on her. She hated that she couldn’t hate him for lying to her but she needed an explanation.

“I’m sorry about earlier” she looked down at her hands, “I shouldn’t have kissed you like that. It was completely unprofessional.”

“Don’t worry about it, everyone gets carried away at times” he patted her knee, “I’m sure the audience will love it.”  He tried to lighten the mood; he didn’t want her to feel awkward about the situation.

“Fitz” he loved the sound of his name rolling off her tongue. He intuitively reached to touch her leg again. She watched his hand staring at it perched on her thigh for a moment before she moved her eyes to meet his. He again couldn’t tell what the look in her eyes meant so he began to pull his hand away but she reached out her hand, stopping him. She took his large hand in hers and held it briefly before pulling it to her thigh. She then rest her hand on his and turned her gaze back to his face. She saw confusion in his eyes and a slight smile curled the corners of her mouth. She moved herself closer to Fitz, close enough to smell the scent that she missed so much.

            Fitz thought he’d made a misstep when he touched her and pulled his hand away. He was surprised when she pulled his hand back to her. He loved the feel of her body even through her jeans. He could feel the heat rising from her skin and it invoked memories of when he had been allowed to feel all of her months ago. He remembered the leg he touched wrapped around him and the small hand that now sat atop his scratching trails down his back all those months ago.  Then he felt her moving closer to him, so close that he could see the amber flecks in her espresso eyes. He remembered seeing passion burn deep in those eyes and his pulse quickened. Her body kept inching closer to his and he could feel his resolve melting.

“Olivia, we shouldn’t do this” he whispered as her hand lightly touched his face. He didn’t ever want her to look at him again like she did the night of the Glamour party. Her lips were inches from his and she didn’t back up when he spoke.

“We shouldn’t” she breathed looking straight into his eyes.

“I’m married” his voice was low, the tone that made every inch of her body prickle at attention.

“Technically” she used the word he’d said in the car.

“I need you to understand” his voice cracked slightly as the room grew warmer.

“I understand” her other hand ran through the curls at the back of his head, “I don’t want to be friends with you Fitz.”

“I don’t want to do anything that we’ll regret later” he relished the feel of her nails on his scalp.

“Are you going to regret this?” she whispered in his ear before nibbling on the lobe.

            He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, “Livvie, I really need to tell you everything.” He moved his hand to hold hers, bringing it to his lips, “I need you to understand what my marriage is all about.”

            She watched his lips glide over her palm and tried to concentrate on the words he spoke.

“I understand everything I need to,” she whispered, “I can’t just be friends with you.”

“Let me cook you dinner, Livvie” he whispered back, “We can talk and I can explain.”

            He held her hands in his kissing each of her cheeks then her forehead, “Let’s go to my house and I’ll make you an amazing dinner.”

“Okay,” she conceded not trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

            Fitz picked up his wallet, cell phone, and car keys then took Olivia’s hand and led her to his car. He couldn’t believe he had the opportunity to explain himself to her; this was the day he had been waiting for. He smiled over at Olivia several times while they rode to his house. He pulled the car into the garage and nearly dragged Olivia into the house.

“Fitz, slow down, I’m going to fall” she giggled trailing behind him.

            Fitz took her coat then poured them each a glass of wine. Olivia sat perched on a stool at the kitchen island watching Fitz work. He moved fluidly around the kitchen as he cooked, sipping his wine and humming as he worked.

“You seem happy” she muttered with a smile.

            Fitz moved towards her, standing between her legs as she sat atop the stool, “You’re in my house,” he whispered against her lips, “I am very happy.”

            Olivia knotted her fingers in his hair and held his lips to hers, “I want you, Fitz”

“I have to cook, Gorgeous, but believe me, I want you too” he murmured in return, “I need to tell you about Megan before anything else happens between us.”

            Fitz finished cooking and they sat down to eat. He lit candles then brought their meal to the table.

“I’ll be right back” he kissed her cheek and disappeared from the room. When he returned he was carrying the bottle of Henri Jayer Richebourg Grand Cru. He showed her the bottle then opened it with a flourish.

“Fitz, are you sure this is the right occasion?” she asked quietly.

“Olivia, I wanted to share this bottle with someone special, someone who would appreciate it” he kissed her cheek, “I wanted it to mark a special occasion and I think this is it. I never thought you would forgive me, I never thought you would let me explain. So, to me, this bottle is marking the beginning of me telling you the honest truth all the time no matter what. This marks the start of you knowing about my marriage and the arrangement Megan and I have. And I hope it can be the beginning of us spending a lot of time together. I don’t want to be friends with you Olivia. I want to be your lover, I want to share my bed with you, I want to share my life with you.”

“I don’t want to be friends with you either,” she whispered in reply, “I can’t continue to spend time around you and not touch you, or kiss you. I really don’t care about Megan.”

“But you need to understand, Olivia” he insisted, “I need you to hear the entire story, the whole truth, then I will feel like we can move forward.”

“Okay”

            He leaned over and kissed her deeply on the lips. Their tongues tangled together, tasting the wine on one another’s mouth. He gripped her hair considering pushing everything off of the table and making love to her right there. He knew he couldn’t, it mattered to him if he did this right. He had already almost lost her, he wouldn’t let a similar mistake get in the way of what seemed to be something real developing between them. He pulled his lips from hers maintaining contact between their foreheads.  She smiled when he kissed the tip of her nose.

“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked.

“Starving” she replied still looking into his eyes, “It smells delicious.”

            They looked into one another’s eyes for several minutes without speaking. He finally broke their eye contact and moved to his seat. They enjoyed their meal, finishing the bottle of wine. After dinner they moved to the living room where Fitz had his gigantic Christmas tree. He started a fire in the fireplace and turned on the tree lights.

“I have always loved Christmas lights” said softly.

“Me too” he agreed bringing a new bottle of wine over to where she sat on the couch.

“I picked another bottle, it will pale in comparison to the other one I’m sure but hopefully it won’t be too bad,” he was nervous and he stammered when he was nervous.

“I’m sure it will be fine” she replied with a sweet smile. She could tell he wasn’t quite himself. He poured the wine and they each to a sip. She looked at him expectantly.

“What?” he said blushing under her stare.

“This is nice” she said touching his cheek with her palm.

“It is” he agreed enjoying her skin touching his.

“So you were going to tell me about your little arrangement” she slid her hand from his cheek. He caught it in his, needing to maintain contact with her. He took a deep breath clearly nervous. He had planned what he wanted to say but his words seemed to have escaped him. He kissed her hand quickly then began.

“So you know that my family is well known in Hollywood and you know that my family is fairly comfortable financially,” his palms were sweaty, “Megan and I have been married for twenty-one years. We got married because she was pregnant, my parents didn’t want our family name tarnished by a baby out of wedlock…we were happy for a while. We split our time between Maine and Los Angeles until about seven years ago. I started to have more success in my restaurants and my acting career and she liked it better back east. We wanted to stay married until both of the girls graduated high school.”

“Okay” Olivia said to fill a silence in their conversation.

“I want Megan and my kids taken care of financially and my parents didn’t agree with me helping her out if we weren’t married. I just wanted to be sure that things were smooth for the girls when we got divorced. We agreed the easiest way to do that was for her to keep the house in Maine and live there while I lived here in LA. We agreed that we wouldn’t seriously date or be closely linked to anyone.”

“That’s why a different woman at every party?” Olivia asked.

“Exactly, and sometimes Megan would show up to a party to keep the charade of our marriage intact” Fitz continued.

“Like the Glamour party” Olivia said, “Did you know she was going to be there?”

“No, not at all. And normally when she would show up I would just tell my date that my wife showed up. And it didn’t really matter because I didn’t care about them.”

“Why didn’t you tell me she was there?” she asked.

            He took both of her hands in his before he answered, “Because I had feelings for you, Olivia.”

            She swallowed past the lump in her throat, “Had?”

“Have. I have feelings for you and I told Megan that night. I told her you were there and I told her that I cared about you.”

“Why?”

“Because I had promised her that I wouldn’t get involved with anyone else seriously and I wanted to date you.”

“Wanted?” asked Olivia.

“I want to date you and the last three months have almost killed me. It’s so hard to pretend to be your friend. But I swore to myself that I would rather have you as a friend than nothing.”

“So what happens now?” she asked, her heart fluttering at his words.

“Ellie graduates in the spring and that is how long I promised to keep a low profile. Megan knows that we will divorce but it won’t look as bad and my family name will be spared since the girls are older. At least that was everyone’s hope.”

“We have to wait until spring to date?” Olivia sounded alarmed.

“No, well kind of,” he stammered, “We can’t go to events together or be seen out too much. So in that sense we can’t date but I want to see you socially.”

            His statement brought a smile to Olivia’s face, “I want to see you socially too” she whispered moving closer to him.

“I don’t want to be unfair to you, Olivia. There are plenty of nice, young, single guys who would kill to date you.”

“I don’t want to date anyone else” she breathed. Their lips were nearly touching.

            Fitz felt his heart skip a beat at having her so close to him and the fact that she wanted to give them a shot. Olivia tried to remember a time when she had felt this way about anyone.

“So, what now?” she asked, just barely touching her lips to his.

“I want to hold you all night” he replied stroking her cheek, “I want to lie in bed with your head on my chest and feel you against me. I want to wake up to your face and make you breakfast and get to know you.”

“So, you don’t want to make love to me?”

“Oh, I want to but we shouldn’t. I want to start all over. I want to know all there is to know about Olivia Pope” he murmured, “but there can be lots of kissing.”

            A grin met her lips as he took her hand and led her upstairs.